Toll Booth Willy Lyrics by Adam Sandler

Toll Booth Willy

:::car pulls up:::

Toll Booth Willy: Welcome ta Wista! Dawla twenty five please.
Driver1: Hey! How ya doin Toll Booth Willy?
Toll Booth Willy: Goood, thanks for askin pup.
Driver1: That's great, considerin you're a fuckin idiot. [drives away]
Toll Booth Willy: GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU SON OF A BITCH! I'LL COME RIGHT OUTTA THE BOOTH AND FUCKING WHACK YA! YOU FUCKIN PRICK!

Driver2: Hey, hey Willy how's it goin?
Toll Booth Willy: Hey can't complain pup. How's by you?
Driver2: Oh great great. How much?
Toll Booth Willy: The state charge is a dawla twenty five pup.
Driver2: That's fine. Now should I give you the money or should I just shove the quarters directly up your fat ass Hee Heeeee [throws quarters, drives off]
Toll Booth Willy: WHY YOU FUCKIN HAAAD ON! I'LL FUCKING COTTONFISH YOU'RE FUCKING HEAD WITH A LOUISVILLE FUCKIN SLUGGAH! WHADDYA THINKA THAT ASS FUCK?!

Driver3: Hi, Willy.
Toll Booth Willy: Oh, nice to see ya mam not a bad day, ah?
Driver3: Well, I'm a little lost. Could you help me out? I hear you're the best with directions.
Toll Booth Willy: Well, I know my way around New England I can tell ya that much. So where ya headed?
Driver3: Well, I was just wondering which exactly is the best way to drive up your ass. You know if you'd tell me I'd appreciate it, you fucking prick. [cruises off]
Toll Booth Willy: YOU FUCKIN BITCH! FUCK YOU! YOU FORGOT TO PAY THE FUCKIN TOLL YOU DIRTY WHORE! I'LL FUCKING DROP YOU WID A BOOT TO DA FUCKING SKULL YOU CUM GUZZLING QUEEEN!

Driver4: Hey Willy.
Toll Booth Willy: Hey how are ya?
Driver4: Here's a dollar twenty five and go fuck yourself.
Toll Booth Willy: Dah! YOU FUCKIN PRICK! I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON A FUCKIN BOTTLE CAP YOU FUCKIN SON OF A FUCK! EAT SHIT! EAT MY SHIT!

Driver5: Hello Willy, good to see you.
Toll Booth Willy: Ahhh Bishop Nelson, nice to see ya. That was quite a sermon you had the other day.
Driver5: Well, I do my best.
Toll Booth Willy: Dawla twenty five, Bishop.
Driver5: Dollar twenty five Willy...isn't that the same price your mother charges for a blow job you piece of dog shit?
Toll Booth Willy: OOOOHHHH HAVE ANOTHER ONE YOU FUCKIN LUSH! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THE BARTENDER CUT YOU OFF LAST NIGHT YOU FUCKING DOUCHE BAG!

Driver6: Hey!
Toll Booth Willy: Well, hey!
Driver6: Yeah do you want the money or should I just shove the quarters directly up your fat ass?
Toll Booth Willy: Welllll, I already heard that one YOU FUCKIN UNORIGINAL BASTARD! GO SUCK A COCK YOU PIECE OF FUCKIN REPEATIN SHIT!

Driver7: Hi.
Toll Booth Willy: Ohhh, Hi, how are ya?
Driver7: Fine, thank you. How much is the toll please?
Toll Booth Willy: For you sweethart, it's a dawla twenty five.
Driver7: Here you go, thank you.
Toll Booth Willy: Hey, hey honey. Would you like a receipt with that?
Driver7: Oh, I almost forgot. Thank you soo much.
Toll Booth Willy: And here ya are.
Driver7: Ahh, do you think you could sign it?
Toll Booth Willy: Uhh, sign it?
Driver7: Yeah, sign "Toll Booth Willy was here."
Toll Booth Willy: Ok, sure. Uhh, by the way, what is this for?
Driver7: Just so I could have proof for my friends that I met the biggest fuckin' dip shit with the smallest dick alive. You understand."
[Drives off...Crumples up paper]
Toll Booth Willy: FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKIN UPPITY BITCH! I'LL FUCKIN FUCK YOU AND ALL YOUR FISH-EATIN FRIENDS IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHERS! YOU'RE GONNA DIE BITCH! I'M COMIN OUTTA THE BOOTH! [Opens the door and runs out of the booth]
[Car screeches and hits him]
Toll Booth Willy: OOHHHH MY FUCKIN LEG!
Driver8: Hey! You ran over Toll Booth Willie!
Driver9: Oh my God! I was always wondering what it would be like to run over a dried up stinky dick licker.
Toll Booth Willie: Why you fuckin' pricks. I fuckin' hear every fuckin' word yer saying! When this fuckin' leg heals, I'm gonna kick you guys new fuckin' assholes!
[Everyone cussing eachother out]