If Momma Was Married Lyrics by Bette Midler

If Momma Was Married

Louise
I wish Momma would marry a plain man so we could all be together...
If Momma was married
We'd live in a house
As private as private can be
Just Momma, three ducks, five canaries,
A mouse, two monkeys, one father, six turtles
And me...
If Momma was married

June
If Momma was married
I'd jump in the air
And give all my toe shoes to you
I'd get all those hair ribbons
Out of my hair
And once and for all
I'd get Momma out too...
If Momma was married

Louise
You've done it before

June
Without much success!

Both
Momma, God speed and God bless
We're not keeping score
What's one more or less
Oh, Momma, say: yes
And waltz down the hall
While you may

Louise
I'll gladly support you
I'll even escort you...

June
And I'd gladly give you away

Both
Oh,. Momma, get married today!

June
If Momma was married there wouldn't be anymore:
"Let me entertain you, let me make you smile!
I would do some kicks!"

Louise
"I would do some tricks!"

June
Sing out, Louise!

Louise
Smile, baby!
Momma, please take our advice
We aren't The Lunts

June
I'm not Fanny Brice

Both
Momma, we'll buy you the rice
If only this once
You wouldn't think twice
It could be so nice
If Momma got married to stay

Louise
But Momma gets married

June
And...

Louise
Married

June
And...

Louise
Married

Both
And never gets carried away
Oh, Momma...
Oh, Momma...
Oh, Momma...
Get married today!