Briefcase Boogie Lyrics by Frank Zappa

Briefcase Boogie

Frank zappa [guitar, synclavier]
Steve vai [guitar]
Ray white [guitar, vocals]
Tommy mars [keyboards]
Chuck wild [piano]
Arthur barrow [bass]
Scott thunes [bass]
Jay anderson [string bass]
Ed mann [percussion]
Chad wackerman [drums]
Ike willis [vocals]
Terry bozzio [vocals]
Dale bozzio [vocals]
Napoleon murphy brock [vocals]
Bob harris [vocals]
Johnny "guitar" watson [vocals]

Harry: [to thing-fish]
Anything you say, master! take me, Im yours!

Rhonda: [broadway-style fake singing]
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
To chicago every day, oh...

Thing-fish:
Oooh, lawd! lookit you, boy! chain thoo de nipples n evvy goddam thing! you a sick white muthafucker, aintcha?

Rhonda:
Bells on bob-tail ring,
Making spirits bright!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
To chicago every night, oh...

Harry:
For chrissake, rhonda! have you no shame?

Thing-fish:
Yall make up ymind yet, bouts de mammy o yo dreams?

Harry:
You bet! Ive waited all my life for this moment! my heart is fluttering! if only I could submit myself on approval, for a limited time only...to ...to that nasty little rubber mammy on your kne


Thing-fish:
Sister obdewlla x? de mystry sister? yall wants tparty hearty with de minyature rubber mammy wit de string out de back? yow! dintcha get nuff buse fum de other bitch when ywas livin i
Card-bod hut?

Rhonda:
Harry...harry...hey! harry! fucking wor-r-r-mmmmmmmmmm! I want a divorce, harry!

Harry:
Not now, dearest, please! this is serious! little mammy, whatll it be? hips or lips?

Harry snatches sister obdewlla x away from thing-fish, bashing himself with it in an irrational manner.

Rhonda un-zips the santa claus costume, revealing the rubber body suit, hoping for some sign of interest from her deranged husband. there isnt any...hes beating the fuck out of himself and lov
Very minute of it.

She squeezes her rubber tits, as if to squirt them at him. still no interest.

Rhonda:
Youre a wor-r-r-r-mmmmmmm! a fucking wor-r-r-r-m-m-m-m-mmmmmmmmmmm! these are my tits, harry! I have tits! look! look at me! look at my wonderful tits, you fucking wor-r-r-r-r-mmmmmmmm! Im goi
Pretend Im squirting them on you! whoo! wheeeee! almost gotcha!

Harry:
Not now, rhonda! ow! oof! oh, I love this! hurt me! hurt me! oh, pull my chain, you tiny potato-headed whatchamacallit!

Rhonda:
Theyre almost squirting, harry! look! look! whoooooo! whooooo! whoooo! you fucking worm!

Thing-fish:
Obdewlla! is yawright? dont be pullin de boys chain too hard dere! he gots nuthuh show tdo tmorrow! dont put dat in yo mouf, girl! I knows ycain hep yseff wit dat crazy muthafucker 
 you like dat, but jes hang on a lil longuh...he be droppin de wad putty soon now!

Rhonda: [pinching her nipples, jiggling her tits]
Jingle bells, jingle bells...

Harry:
Oh! this is divine!

Rhonda:
This is my pussy, harry! look! see it? you know what Im gonna do with it, you worm? Im gonna make it fuck something! thats right! you wont get any of it...because youre disgusting! an I do
Eed you, mr. first-nighter! my wonderful, wonderful pussy doesnt need you! I have my briefcase, harry! Im going to fuck my briefcase! Im going to...look! look at this! I got it right over her
Ere! see it? my big, brown, briefcase! my briefcase! its big, harry! its full of business papers...from my career!

A tan and brown briefcase, seven feet tall, is lowered in. francesco watches it land near his window. he exits the bungalow with a can of crisco and a violin case. n pantomime, he cautiously int
Ts rhondas monologue, suggesting that she examine the contents of the case. it contains a strap-on dildo of such ridiculous proportions that a chain leading from just behind the head of it must
Ooked to a leather dog collar around rhondas neck, in order to hold it up. francesco recommends the crisco as a lubricant, daubs on a bit with a miniature dolls foot, finally indicating that s
Nceal her pubic hair with a cardboard box, in the manner preferred by famous singing christians.

Rhonda reaches inside the briefcase and locates her special atomic glasses [with tiny doll arms reaching out through tiny cardboard boxes], and puts them on.

She reaches in again and finds an artificial hamburger with a red ribbon on it. she mounts it on top of her head, tying the ribbon in a neat bow below her chin. ready at last, she humps the brie
Vigorously.

Rhonda: [contd.]
Im gonna put my glasses on, harry! Im gonna put my hair up in a bun! then, Im going fuck fuck fuck! ha-ha-ha-hahhhhh! look! see me? see how I got my hair up? whooo! Im really doing it! unngh
Gh!

Harry:
Rhonda...have you no shame! keep the briefcase closed, for chrissake! all your documents are falling out!

Rhonda: [as over-sized file folders emerge]
Unngh! Im good! oh God Im good! harder! faster! unngh! unngh! this is terrific! boy, I need it so bad...

Harry:
Those are the warner brothers files, arent they dear? dont you think therell be some questions about the condition of the blue paper?

Thing-fish:
Girl! bes be careful wit de latch!

Rhonda: [with the handle in her mouth, semi-intelligible]
Im sucking the handle now, harry! look! mmmmmm! it tastes good! mmmmmm! mmmmmm! the handle! the handle!

Harry:
Hurt me, obdewlla! make me whimper and beg for your tiny rubber love!

After nibbling on it as if it were a giant piece of corn-on-the-cob, thing-fish hands rhonda an oversized pink fountain pen with her name on the clip.

Rhonda:
Ive got a fountain pen, harry! Ive got a fountain pen with my initials on it! Im putting it in my mouth, harry! Im gonna get it wet! Im gonna stuff it up my asshole and ride the briefcase a
You disgusting perverted bastard worm! Im gonna do it! look, harry! whooo! unngh! unngh! god-damit, harry! watch me! this is for your own good!