Seven-inch Cowboy Lyrics by Pain

Seven-inch Cowboy

Im a seven-inch cowboy
With a tiny pair of six guns.
Fivell get you ten,
I betcha never seen one.
Well Im a seven inch cowboy
How do you be?
And Im used to people gawking and a-staring at me
But I wasnt always so gol-darned wee
Let me tell you my story,
You can listen for free.

For seven long years,
Now thats a year for every inch I stand
Ive traveled small and lonely down the byways of this giant land
Like a country western Lilliputian too afraid to stop
Im at the bottom of the food chain whereas I once was at the top.
I wandered on foot, my horse had done abandoned me
And every town I come tos like a terrible dream
The other cowboys mocked me and spit tobacco like meteors
Watching me dodge em and laughing at my small squeaky scream
I went to a saloon to get a drink
They wouldnt serve me
They stuffed me in a glass and slid me up and down the bar
And all the barroom women gathered round and had their way with me
They sang a song both cold and mean
Cause thats how women are,
They sang,

A man can pan for gold and strike it rich and be a millionaire
Or ride the rodeo and be the best one at it anywhere.
Drive a brand new car, be a movie star
Size is all that counts, and there you are.?

And Im a seven-inch cowboy
With a tiny pair of six guns
Fivell get you ten
I bet you never seen one

[Yodeling]

Now as you can imagine, Id grown pretty bitter
[Although thats the only way in which I had grown]
And in that seventh year I finally found my transgressor,
The man who had shrunk me, the worst fiend Id ever known.
The mad Professor Mentley was his name and I drew near
I hopped upon his shoulder and I grabbed him by the ear
I held my little pistols up and I told im, Look a-here!
You made me this way, its time you pay, you gol-darned queer!?
And the professor said, Wait! Wait!
Now you know me, and I know you
And you know that strange experiments are just what I do
Its less like a pastime and more like a job
Why if I didnt do it, Id be an unemployed slob
Now I know that wont suffice if Im to set you at ease
But Im thinking as fast as I can for a man whos down on his knees
And just this passing moment I had a thought, heres what I thunk, I thought,
Where would you be today if you hadntve shrunk?
Just another nameless cowboy, a mediocre bumpkin
Riding in the sun, skin burnt the color of a pumpkin
Reviled by the ladies, ridiculed by other men,
Nothing to set you apart nor would there ever have been
Then I came along, yes ME, Professor Mentley!
I gave you a gift! [though you werent grateful evidently]
I plucked you from your average status, I made you unique
Youre a seven-inch cowboy, not a six foot freak.
From every corner of the globe folks will come to adore you
Nations will bow and throw their riches before you
Youll be diminutive in stature, but a titan inside
Because I, your true friend, chose to stand by your side.?

Now I cogitated on the words Professor Mentley shared
And I wondered if perhaps he only said em cause he was scared
My guns were weighin heavy in my hands, my heart was low
When suddenly some old advice came to me soft and slow:

Well my pop told me it dont matter where a fella goes
You can sail through icy straights and misty archipelagoes.
Travel to the moon, orbit every star
Size dont really count and there you are.

And Im a seven-inch cowboy [seven inches tall]
With a tiny pair of six guns [Thats mighty damn small]
Fivell get you ten [For all you bettin men]
Youll never see another one [yeah!]
I guess Professor Mentley had a point although I shot him anyway
Theres never been a gentleman like me and that is safe to say
Well, Ive thought real long and hard, so hard my brain is numb
Now I say Hollywood [Hollywood!], Hollywood [Hollywood!]
Hollywood here I come!