My Bologna Lyrics by Yankovic Weird Al

My Bologna

I need a Vegematic!
I need a Pocket Fisherman!
I need a handy appliance
That'll scramble an egg while it's still inside its shell!
[Operators are standing by.
How does that make you feel?]
Help me.
Mr. Popiel!
I wanna shine some pennies!
I wanna mend some leather!
I wanna Krazy-Glue my head to the bottom of a big steel girder!
[Please, no C.O.D.'s.
Don't miss out on this deal.]
Ah, help me.
Mr. Popiel!
Help me.
Mr. Popiel!
Mr. Popiel!
Mr. Popiel!
[Wo-o, wo-o. Ohhhhhh.]
It slices. It dices.
Look at that tomato!
You could even cut a tin can with it,
But you wouldn't want to!
Mr. Popiel, I'm in trouble.
Need your assistance on the double.
Oh no! Now how am I gonna make
My old vinyl car top look like new?
Mr. Popiel!
Tell me, what am I s'posed to do?
Mr. Popiel!
Mr. Popiel!
[Now how much would you pay?]
But wait, there's more!
It's not sold in any store!
[Now how much would you pay?]
Don't answer yet,
Just look what else you get!
[Now how much would you pay?]
If you order today,
You get a Ginsu knife and a smokeless Ashtray!
[Now how much would you pay?]
Now how much would you pay?
Mr. Popiel, Mr. Popiel.
Mr. Popiel, Mr. Popiel.
Mr. Popiel, Mr. Popiel.
Mr. Popiel, Mr. Popiel.
Make me buy a Garden Weasel!
Make me buy a Bamboo Steamer!
Make me take advantage
Of this amazing TV offer!
[Call our toll-free number,
We'll make you such a deal.]
Aw, help me!
Mr. Popiel. I want it!
[Mr. Popiel.] Well, I need it!
[Mr. Popiel.] I got to got to got to have it!
Mr. Popiel!
Mr. Popiel!
Hey!