Dance Contest Lyrics by Zappa Frank

Dance Contest

Frank Zappa [lead guitar, vocals]
Ike Willis [rhythm guitar, vocals]
Ray White [rhythm guitar, vocals]
Steve Vai [rhythm guitar, vocals]
Warren Cucurullo [rhythm guitar, vocals]
Denny Walley [slide guitar, vocals]
Tommy Mars [keyboards, vocals]
Peter Wolf [keyboards]
Bob Harris [keyboards, trumpet, vocals]
Ed Mann [percussion]
Arthur Barrow [bass, vocals]
Vinnie Colaiuta [drums]

FZ:
"One of, one of the things that I like best about playing in New York is this particular place, because it has - it has a stage that is conducive to, how you say in the trade, audience participation. Now if there's one thing that I really like, it's, uh, audience participation. Now listen... I gotta figure out something that I can, uh - do you think we should have another dance contest tonight? Oh, hey - the injured person dance contest. Ah, well, let's see...Awright, I'll tell you what we're going to do. Here's a, here's a guy who really wants to be in the dance contest aw-reety, aw-righty, hey. Okay..."

BUTCH:
"You are great, man - you are great. You are the best, baby. Do 'Dinah-Moe Humm.'"

FZ:
"All right, now wait a minute - what's your name? Hey, hey - what's your name?"

BUTCH:
"Butch."

FZ:
"Awright, the dynamic Butch. Here's, here's a girl that wants to dance with Butch. What's your name?"

LENA:
"Lena."

FZ:
"What?"

LENA:
"Lena."

FZ:
"Lena, meet Butch. Okay, Lena and Butch, couple number one. Heh heh. Okay, let's see - that guy there, with his...that - that one there with the teeshirt on - no, no, the other one - this one - no, no - no no no, wait a minute, wait... well, you're - actually, you're very nice, though. Would you like to come up here? ...Okay, but d'you think you can behave yourself? You, you're sure you can behave yourself? ...Okay, what's your name?"

GUY:
"Tom, man. [mumble, mumble] you, baby, I [mumble, mumble][gurgle] you [mumble, mmf, etc.]."

GUY:
"Arrgh, mmmf, glurg, etc."

FZ:
"Awright, now wait a minute. Awright, awright, now wait..."

GUY:
"[mumble, mmf.] Ugliness! Ugliness!"

OTHER GUY:
"Frank, you're my buddy! Arrgh, mmf."

FZ:
"Awright, wait a minute, wait a minute. I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and you're cute, maybe you're beautiful, I just want to tell you somethin' - there's more of us ugly mother-fuckers than you are, hey-y, so watch out. Now..."

GUY [BUTCH?]:
"Will you bring my girlfriend on stage, maybe?"

FZ:
"Sure. All right, now you - he wants to get his girlfriend - go get your girlfriend."

GIRL:
"Hey Zap!"

FZ:
"Good to see you again."

GIRL:
"Squeak!"

FZ:
"I know."

GUY:
"I ain't no fucking queer."

FZ:
"All right, now look, here's what we're going to do. Awright. Now. This - they'll be mashed, I'll save them, I'll save them for later."

GUY:
"I'm not a fucking queer."

FZ:
"This man is trying desperately to let everybody know that he's not a queer. He's not queer, he's not queer. Awright, and now... You are going to dance, like you've never danced before..."